It's the night before school and all through the house, my children are sleeping and so is my spouse. But what should I do? It's not always clear-maybe I should chill and just drink a beer? Well I'm in my pajamas and watching T.V, awaiting the morning and wondering how it will be. So with restless wonder and remote in hand, I flip through channels- oh so bland! When what to my wondering mind appears, but an idea of how I await the reindeers. So with the blink of an eye and a flip of a switch, I'll play a movie that reminds me of which, I watch On Christmas Eve, waiting on Santa and all his glory when I follow tradition and watch "A Christmas Story." So how could I begin the school year brighter, than one more showing of the movie "Freedom Writers?" So on this eve of school to begin, I watch and think "Yes, I can do this again!"
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
A fine line
I started this blog, only to find out that I really don't have much to blog about-except kids and family. I live a pretty even keel life, not much different from anyone else who is married with a house, three kids and a dog. Yes we have some drama in our house, but it's nothing to write home about, nothing that doesn't happen in pretty much every other household in America. My kids are getting more independent every day and with that comes independent thoughts and independent mouths. I realize they are trying to find a place in this world, and that is only going to become harder and harder for them to do. Soooo, my efforts now are focused on fostering that independence while trying to maintain a level of peace in my house. And, of course instilling the knowledge in them to know when and where it is appropriate to "speak out." Not an easy thing to learn I might add, I am still in the process of learning this.
Now let me be clear with where I'm going with this. I want my kids to be independent thinkers and speakers-I think I can check that one off my list of accomplishments. I want them to be smart in multiple ways- intilectually, socially, and spiritually. Once again, check! I also want them to be successful in life, and I don't just mean financially- emotional success is worth so much more. And, I want to be a part of their successes, help them celebrate them, and support them every step of the way. Taking an interest in what THEY want has become increasingly more important to me. If they actually "see" me supporting them it means so much more to them and it helps to solidify our relationship with each other. I believe in keeping an open relationship with my kids. Yes, I bark out rules and say "no", as well as restrict what they are allowed to do even though their friends are allowed to. I have been accused of being overprotective. I try to loosen that a bit, but I'd rather be over than under. I also want them to be respectful of others, but not to the point of excessive sacrifice. This is one area we are working on currently, it is a fine line. And, yes this is often the line that is crossed in our house. I have been blessed with extremely intelligent children and with that comes challenge. I often joke that I wish I had stupid children, they are trickable. You can't get ANYTHING past a smart child. Believe me, I know!
But through all this, I am learning to listen to them-really listen. Just when I get angry over what they do or say, I think back and remember what I was like when I was a kid. Frankly, I was a pain in the ass, but I don't feel like I was neccessarily understood-which probably just made me an even bigger pain in the ass as time went on. So now I let my kids talk-in an open respectful environment without judgement(unless they are really, really in trouble or in the wrong.) This has been the best decision and I don't know why I didn't do this earlier. I have admitted my faults as a parent (lead by example they say) and they have also admitted to some of their faults. One thing I try to instill in them is that when you are wrong you say you are wrong and you make it better. We have apologized to each other, moved on, and you wouldn't believe the conversations, fun, and closeness we have had since. We try to continue this openness daily. It's not easy and it's definately not perfect, but I think we are on the right track. O.K. I said I would be clear about where I was going with this one and that can be said with one sentence. By the way I have tried this before, but to wrap up this blog - "You cannot rule with an iron fist!" You just can't! I know some of you out there think you can, but trust me you CAN'T!
If you don't believe it then ask yourself this- "what would you do if someone else was trying to rule your every decision with an iron fist?"
a. stick around for more
b. run for the hills and never come back
I want my kids to come back around someday. I want to continue to be a part of their lives and hopefully my grandkids lives-and in a big way, not just a card here or there, or a once in a while visit. So it is THAT decision and vision from which I draw my parenting decisions. By the way, if you chose a. then you need to read my next blog, if you chose b. then you need to read the blog after that. Of course you can read both, but if you have read my past blogs you will remember the ships. And, next time I'll tell you a story- a real one, with real names and everything (well maybe not really, real names for confidentiallity purposes)
Now let me be clear with where I'm going with this. I want my kids to be independent thinkers and speakers-I think I can check that one off my list of accomplishments. I want them to be smart in multiple ways- intilectually, socially, and spiritually. Once again, check! I also want them to be successful in life, and I don't just mean financially- emotional success is worth so much more. And, I want to be a part of their successes, help them celebrate them, and support them every step of the way. Taking an interest in what THEY want has become increasingly more important to me. If they actually "see" me supporting them it means so much more to them and it helps to solidify our relationship with each other. I believe in keeping an open relationship with my kids. Yes, I bark out rules and say "no", as well as restrict what they are allowed to do even though their friends are allowed to. I have been accused of being overprotective. I try to loosen that a bit, but I'd rather be over than under. I also want them to be respectful of others, but not to the point of excessive sacrifice. This is one area we are working on currently, it is a fine line. And, yes this is often the line that is crossed in our house. I have been blessed with extremely intelligent children and with that comes challenge. I often joke that I wish I had stupid children, they are trickable. You can't get ANYTHING past a smart child. Believe me, I know!
But through all this, I am learning to listen to them-really listen. Just when I get angry over what they do or say, I think back and remember what I was like when I was a kid. Frankly, I was a pain in the ass, but I don't feel like I was neccessarily understood-which probably just made me an even bigger pain in the ass as time went on. So now I let my kids talk-in an open respectful environment without judgement(unless they are really, really in trouble or in the wrong.) This has been the best decision and I don't know why I didn't do this earlier. I have admitted my faults as a parent (lead by example they say) and they have also admitted to some of their faults. One thing I try to instill in them is that when you are wrong you say you are wrong and you make it better. We have apologized to each other, moved on, and you wouldn't believe the conversations, fun, and closeness we have had since. We try to continue this openness daily. It's not easy and it's definately not perfect, but I think we are on the right track. O.K. I said I would be clear about where I was going with this one and that can be said with one sentence. By the way I have tried this before, but to wrap up this blog - "You cannot rule with an iron fist!" You just can't! I know some of you out there think you can, but trust me you CAN'T!
If you don't believe it then ask yourself this- "what would you do if someone else was trying to rule your every decision with an iron fist?"
a. stick around for more
b. run for the hills and never come back
I want my kids to come back around someday. I want to continue to be a part of their lives and hopefully my grandkids lives-and in a big way, not just a card here or there, or a once in a while visit. So it is THAT decision and vision from which I draw my parenting decisions. By the way, if you chose a. then you need to read my next blog, if you chose b. then you need to read the blog after that. Of course you can read both, but if you have read my past blogs you will remember the ships. And, next time I'll tell you a story- a real one, with real names and everything (well maybe not really, real names for confidentiallity purposes)
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